The title says it all.
After months of texting back and forth he decided to visit. He had been in the area and decided to drop by after he was doing what he needed to do. It was almost midnight by the time he finally came, but I didn’t care. Remember, he’s the one I thought I loved. He checked out my new place and while he walked from room to room I checked him out. Damn he’s hot! Every time I see him I get butterflies and nervous and giddy and excited.
He said we had a connection and that he could talk to me about anything, and boy he could talk. He shared his insecurities, his anxieties, his concerns. He laid it all out in the open. I thought this meant that he loved me that I meant something to him. But then I realized that he had down a half bottle of crown royal that he brought.
That night we messed around. I had made it very clear that I wasn’t interested in sex, but man was he persistent and to be honest, I was ok that it happened, after all I thought I loved him.
Morning came, he sobered up and he shut up. It was a weird awkward quietness between us. I tried to amuse him by touching and teasing him, but his responses seemed so half ass. My insecurities kicked in. In the light of day did he finally see me for what I actually had become for him? An easy lay that he could get wasted in front of and cry?
He left, I slept.
Day two, and damn this heart but I miss him. But I’m not stupid. I know he wont text me for a while. Thats a part of his routine adn I told him him that was what he always does. He disgreed.
I don’t know how to quit him. I don’t know what the hell it is about this man child that I just can’t forget. Why do I do this to myslef? Why do I keep putting myself through this? But then again…I love him.